My son, his birthday, and a late post...

Hello, my friend!

I'm so happy you've returned. I realize my post is a day late; thank you for your patience. I have a really good reason, I promise!

My oldest son is about to celebrate a milestone birthday. This Tuesday, he'll be turning 18!! I still can't believe it. 

This is also the same kid who told me about his "other grandma" when he was about 4. 

Yes, he was talking about MY mom. The grandma who died before he was born. 

I had thought I was going to tell the story here, myself—but this story is included in an audiobook, titled "Haunted: True Tales of the Paranormal". (Pretty sure printed companion copies will also be available.) It will be available this coming Thursday, October 1, 2020. Check out the Gestalt-Media website at https://www.gestalt-media.com/ to get your copy!

Also, be sure to keep your eye on Gestalt-Media. They are an independent publisher/imprint, with an eye for supporting independent writers and creatives. Not only are they publishing the anthology that my own short story "I Did This For You" will appear in (and, soon, too!) but they really are about creating a diverse, supportive community. Their newest project is launching a subscription book-box, but for e-books. It's affordable and will be sure to deliver new names in the writing industry—names that might otherwise be overlooked by the Big5 publishing companies for a whole slew of reasons, none of which having to do with their caliber of writing. This company is going places, and I can't wait to see how they develop!

Back to my son, his birthday, and the reason my post is late.

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. No, I'm not going to get into the gritty details. Gross. Anyway, we decided to celebrate his birthday this weekend (yesterday, Saturday, to be exact) with the meal and dessert of his choosing. He requested Little Caesar's pizza (NON-gluten-free—for him—thank you!) and a lemon cake. However, my husband hates lemon. Okay, cool—I'll make a yellow cake with chocolate frosting for anyone that doesn't want lemon. I got this! 

I contacted a friend I met through Twitter, Amy Lyle, who connected me with HER friend, Lisa Ode - an amazing baker! Lisa hooked me up with fantastic gluten-free lemon cake recipe. I couldn't wait to try it.

Well, let's just say, "I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways in the most colossal way." Thank you, Deadpool. Love ya, man. 

Let me explain. 

Buckle up. I have pictures.

Things were off to a good start. I had all the ingredients...brand new cake pans...plenty of time...

All seems fine, right?

Um, no.

My oven...the pain in the ass, piece of shit that it is, decides that TODAY IS THE DAY it is going to completely balls-to-the-wall break on me. Now, I don't mean, "Awe, the oven won't come on!" Nope. I mean, it's completely confused and thinks that it's in CLEAN MODE, even though the ever-blessed-door is OPEN! So? What does that mean?

It means that my oven operates at 1,000 fucking degrees. Ever baked a cake at 1,000 degrees? Me either. Yesterday, I baked six layers. Most people would have just given up, gone to the store and bought a cake. 

First of all, I'm not 'most people'. I thought we established that. Second of all, I live in a small town. Do you want to know how likely it is to find a gluten-free lemon cake? Let alone on short notice? On a Saturday? Try not at all. I called six bakeries. SIX! Only one had anything gluten-free and it was a chocolate cupcake. Not exactly what I was going for.

So, we're soldiering on.

"But, Alain, what does this story have to do with being Spirit Sensitive or developing your abilities?"

Well, for one thing, I would not have survived the day without my guides, given that I ALMOST BURNED MY FACE OFF. No. I'm not joking. I have a very minor burn (think minor sunburn) to my face. Meh, whatever. 

Also, somehow, someway, I managed to remember all of my...training, I guess you could call it. When I realized that I couldn't find a bakery, I grounded, did some box breathing for a little extra patience, called my guides in for help, and really listened. Lydia, my guide who is especially adept at all things homemaking, cooking and baking above all else, assured me that things could be salvaged. I questioned her because I was ready to just walk away. I had already warned the soon-to-be-eighteen-year-old that he *may* not get a dessert, and he was cool with it. But, she was insistent. 

I tell, ya, I had to do my box breathing a FEW times.

Like when this happened. The recipe told me to evenly split the batter between THREE layers. But, I split it between FOUR. I couldn't understand, at the time, but trusted and went with it. Well, now we know why, right? 

But believe me, when this landed on the floor, I threw a spatula and almost walked away from it all. I'm not fucking kidding. Guides or no guides. Breathe, Alain. Breathe.

The process to get these to bake was...ridiculous. Since it was stuck on CLEAN, the top burner inside the oven was on. You know, the one that comes on when you set it to BROIL. Yeah, not the bottom one, when you set it to BAKE. UGH. That meant that the tops scorched and the bottoms were still gooey. So, my fantastic husband gave me the idea of covering the top and working them like a waffle maker.

Which worked, except that required me to sit in front of the open oven. Hence the 'sunburn'. 

All right. Fast forward several hours later, and we have...success?

I mean, sorta. 

Sigh. 

I figured they were baked all the way through, and I practically burned my face off for them, might as well frost them, right? Right...so...

I mean...not bad, all things considered. I will say they TASTED absolutely AMAZING. 

Did they look as nice as I would have liked? hahahahahaha No. But I made lemon(cake) outta lemons, so I can't complain there. 

Did I cuss like a trucker? Fuck. Yes. Am I still a bit annoyed? You betcha. Will it be a really funny story some day? Sure. It's a little funny now, to be honest, so how could it not be a lot funny later? My kids said the lemon cake looked like a "boulder". They aren't wrong. They were nice to me and we did giggle about it a bit. 

So, do the techniques I have described in my previous posts work? Well, I certainly think so. Tell me honestly, without using them, would YOU have been able to get through something like that? Would you have even tried? I don't know that I would have. LOL

I hope you found this post helpful (and entertaining). 

I look forward to hearing from you, either on this post, or on Instagram or Twitter, soon. 

As always, Namaste

💖

Alain Davis

@HopelessOptimst 

Energy Vampires & Lightworkers

Hello, my friend!

I'm so happy to see you again! Thank you for the lovely comments to last weeks' post. It was definitely a surprise to me to learn that Spirit wanted me to share about my mom. Well, not just that, but that we were going to get alllll the details out. I've always been pretty open about her death, but I'll admit I usually gloss over the specific shit for fear of traumatizing people. 

I tell people, "I'm fine". And, for the most part, I am. Thanks, in large part, to my incredible husband. He lets me be sad when I am missing her, angry when I need to be. He understands that it's a complicated thing, losing your mother like that. And the fact that my mother and I had a complicated relationship, only makes it that much worse. Most days, I didn't want to be around her. But, that doesn't mean I didn't love her. And, it doesn't mean that she wasn't my friend and that we didn't have amazing memories together. 

My brother thinks "I'm fine", too. And, I suppose, on the surface I could see why he'd think so. I don't have a gambling problem, spending problem, drinking problem, or drug problem. But, what he (and others, except my husband) don't know is that I went the opposite direction. Instead of doing things to mask the pain, I did things to avoid the pain. As much as possible, anyway.

I changed the way I write. That's probably the biggest one. As in my handwriting. Our handwriting was so similar, it was hard to tell them apart. It was too painful, so I changed mine. I can still go back, but it hurts sometimes. So, it's safer to just...not. I stopped watching Law & Order and other ghost/mystery shows, because those are what we used to watch together. I stopped reading the Harry Potter books. We'd made it through the first three books when she died. I didn't start reading them again until...probably 2016? I'd already seen and loved the movies by then. I also stopped reading JDRobb's books, because we used to pass those back and forth. I finally picked those back up. I could never quite pull myself away from Stephen King for quite as long, but I did take a break there, too. I also stopped listening to country music. I still haven't gone back to that. 

The worst part was that I gave away or donated most of her belongings, right after her death. We'd put all of her things in a storage unit. I can't remember why, exactly—probably because we couldn't afford it—but we got rid of the unit. And everything in it. Oh, I kept a few things. Her high school year book, photo albums, our baby books. Her Christmas bells and a few other knick-knacks. All amounts to a couple boxes and a tote's worth of stuff. I think the thing I wish I still had the most...was her Stephen King collection. It was massive and very...sentimental. I'd given it to her best friend. I certainly don't regret WHO I'd given it to. If anyone would take care of it, it would be her. I just wish I still had it. That's all. My mom always said that she knew she didn't have much to leave me, but she hoped I'd keep it. And I didn't. So, if my brother is sorry for the things he said the last time he saw our mom, and if my mom's sorry that she "let him" (meaning let her ex-boyfriend kill her), then I'm sorry I didn't keep her SK collection. There, I finally said it. 

Hank says, "She forgives you."

Well, that's enough gooey shi—ooooow of emotion for one day.

So, Energy Vamps and Lightworkers.

Lightworkers are, basically, any soul that came here to "light the way". They came here to bring happiness, joy, and calm. But, also to bring light to dark situations, to help others find their center, find their true purpose, remember their path, and walk it. There are many, many lightworkers here. Some have yet to remember themselves that this is what they are here to do. The route of their path may look different than other lightworkers. 

It is possible to have a lightworker also be Spirit Sensitive or Medium. But, they are also, fire fighters, nurses, doctors, teachers, writers. And so on. Being a Lightworker has more to do with what you signed up for on the soul level, than what your occupation is, if that makes sense. Although, to be fair, being Spirit Sensitive is more of that, too. My point is, being a lightworker is more of a trait, or secondary vocation. That's how I hear it in my head. Only in the sense that for many people it will be something that happens innately, without any thought or intention. And yet that purpose is still being carried out. In addition to your life path. That is why so many lightworkers are also...all those other vocations. All with noble causes and intentions.

For those lightworkers that haven't remembered their agreement to do so—they're simply awaiting their "spark". Which will come, in time, according to their path. Another lightworker will being doing what they do best, lighting the way, and—like a flame in a dark room—will light their wick. And, with that, another lightworker will be out in the world, working to make it a brighter, more joyful place.

It's not an easy job. Being a lightworker is damn hard some days. In case you couldn't tell, I am a lightworker. I used to suspect, but Hank confirmed it. This blog is one of the ways I "work my light". That's what we call it. And, as my friend Barlow Adams once said to me, "I think it's hardest for people who always bring the light. Starts to feel like the universe is asking them to brighten a black hole." Barlow has a way with words that I can only hope to absorb through reading his writing. I was feeling pretty down and having a hard time seeing the surface when he said that to me. But when he did, it's like my soul remembered that all I had to do was find another lightworker, and then our flames would be brighter, and our jobs easier.

From then on, I focused on working to make my own light as bright as possible, so that others could find me, could find their spark—thereby making an even brighter space for us all. So, thank you, Barlow, for helping me to find the light.

Another challenge for lightworkers is Energy Vampires.

Like moths to a flame, it's inevitable that we'd attract these. And, honestly? It's not just lightworkers that attract energy vampires. It's everyone. 

Energy Vamps are just what they sound like—they suck they energy right out of anyone and everyone they can. The brighter the light, the better for them. But that doesn't mean they won't tap whatever they have in front of them.

In my experience, more often than not, these people don't even realize that they ARE energy vampires. They are so enmeshed, they almost can't even help it at that point. I'm not saying it makes it okay, I'm saying they don't know they are doing it.

Now, having said that, some people DO know, and they are just the evil, nasty people. They are malicious and get off on causing other people pain. Run away!! 

They are easy to spot though! The people you are around that are full of negative energy...everything bad happens to them, for no apparent reason, and they complain about everything! They argue, belittle, criticize, and pretty much feel and act as though the whole world revolves around them. They leave you feeling drained, tired, cranky. OMG, freaking vamp stole your energy! 

It's fairly easy to deal with, too. Remember all those other posts? About boundaries, grounding, cleansing, bubbling and cords? Yep, all super fucking important if you MUST deal with these people. Ideally, these are the people that you would steer clear of, just cut them out totally. But, I get that sometimes you just don't have that choice. Maybe you're related to someone like that, or you have to work in the same office as someone like that. Well, now you've got some handy items in your toolbox to protect and help you for those situations.

A couple of other tips:

When a negative person is complaining, reflect their comments back to them. Instead of feeding into their drama by allowing them to continue to go on and on and on, reflect it back. For example, if a coworker is complaining that it's not fair that so and so is allowed to be on her phone (even though that person's kid is home sick), instead of letting her "vent", say, "You're upset that so and so is on the phone with her sick kid." After enough times, having it presented in their face, they begin to see just how gross it is. Plus, they aren't getting that energy exchange they were looking/hoping for. 

Set boundaries - actual boundaries, not just spiritual boundaries. Knowing the person and how much you can tolerate will go a long way towards knowing what the boundary looks like here. Can you tolerate coffee or lunch with this person, but not very often? Or, is it okay if they come to a party at your house? Or, better if they just not (as in, a coworker that you don't socialize with outside of work)?

Set beginning and ends times, if that helps, too.

Don't be afraid to say, "No." There is nothing wrong with that. You are not required to give an explanation. In the work setting, if someone is adding yet another task to your already full plate, instead of saying, "No," which is not allowed (or frowned upon, at the least), instead, tell them what you've already got, and let the person assigning the task be the person to decide which other item takes a back-burner to the new assignment. That takes some of the pressure off of you, plus it makes everything transparent. 

I'm sure there are other tips when dealing with energy vamps. But these are my "go to" tips that I have used in my own life. They have been very effective for me. 

All right, my love. Go forth.

Be the light you wish to see in the world.

As always, I hope you find this helpful. 

I look forward to hearing from you, either on this post, or on Instagram or Twitter, soon. 

As always, Namaste

💖

Alain Davis

@HopelessOptimst 

A Story: My mother was killed

Hello, friend! 

This week, my Spirit Guide told me my post was going to be "a story". I figured, "Cool. It's getting to be fall, and Spooky Season is approaching, lemme find a good memory that's Spirit related." But, as I pulled out my journal, I heard very clearly, that I was supposed to tell the story I told last night. 

Oh, boy. 

Here's the thing. Last night, I was on the phone with a friend until after midnight and I was telling her the story of how my mom died and how that tied in to and inspired the short story I wrote (which, ahem, won a spot in an anthology that will be published later this year). This friend and I are new friends, but we just CLICKED, right away. You know? Does that happen to you, too? It doesn't happen with everyone I talk to, despite what my husband says. 

Anyway, when I got this direction, I sort of balked because, well...it's not a story necessarily fit for mass consumption. It's not as straightforward as saying my mother passed away from a heart attack. Does that make sense? 

But, Spirit is adamant. I'm sure there's a bottom line in here somewhere, so I guess we better get started.

My mother was killed

I say that not to over-dramatize the fact or to try to shock you. I'm simply trying to be up front. If reading about these sorts of things is not something you're comfortable with, you can bow out now. I won't be offended. If you have anxiety around domestic violence - consider yourself warned, and take whatever measures you need to for yourself. That's what's most important. 

Here's the story:

It was November of 2000, just after Thanksgiving. 

I talked to my mom on Saturday night. He car had been broken down for a long time and we made plans for me to pick her up on Sunday morning to go grocery shopping and run errands. Just do some hanging out in general. Something we hadn't done in awhile. Our relationship had become rather strained. Getting into the many reasons why would require a whole new blog post, but one of the biggest reasons was because she had begun seeing her ex-boyfriend again. This ex was her on-again/off-again, occasionally abusive boyfriend. She knew that I couldn't stand him and couldn't understand why she would choose to be with him after all the abuse she'd taken from him.

When we talked on Saturday night, I could tell that she and him had been arguing. I could hear him grumbling in the background, as per his usual behavior, and her answers to me were short. It was obvious she was trying to ignore him and give him the cold shoulder. I offered to come get her and let her sleep over at our place (my husband and I had just gotten married 6 months previous) but she declined. I tried to insist, but she was adamant. She said that he was just going to leave and go get drunk soon, anyway (also, per his normal behavior). So, we firmed up the time for Sunday and hung up.

Sunday morning arrived and I got ready. I called her first to make sure she was ready before heading over. There was no answer. I called again. Still no answer. I kept calling until finally, around noon, her ex-boyfriend answered. I asked to talk to my mom and he said she wasn't there. Which was odd because she had no working vehicle. He said her stuff was there, like her purse, but she wasn't. And he didn't know where she was. Umm.

I was already worried. Now, I was freaked. I started calling her friends. I thought that maybe she'd fought with him late the night before and she had someone come get her. I mean, it didn't make sense—why wouldn't she just call me? I closer than anyone else. And why wouldn't she let me know? But, whatever. No one had seen her or heard from her. Now, I was starting to panic. 

But, what else was I supposed to do? It hadn't yet been 24 hours, so filing a report was out of the question. Monday came and I...went to work. I didn't know what else to do. I certainly didn't accomplish anything that day, that's for sure! 

Monday afternoon my brother called me hysterical. I had to calm him down just so I could understand him. He said that mom's best friend had called him. She'd seen a news report on T.V. about an unidentified female body found near our mom's apartment. I called the police department. I told them that I thought they found our mom—we hadn't been able to find her and they found a body near her apartment. The officer asked what she looked like and if she had any identifying marks. Then I was placed on hold. Which lasted. freaking. forever. Finally, the officer came back on the line and said they were sending a detective out to talk to me and the family. Shit.

When the detectives arrived, they said that a retired veteran had been going through a dumpster looking for broken toys or electronics (he fixed them up to donate to the Salvation Army) when he found her. Of course, he called the police. The difficult part was that there were no signs of violence on her body. There were no signs that she'd been stabbed, shot, strangled. Nothing. Until the autopsy was complete, they wouldn't know how she died.

We told them about her rocky relationship with her ex-boyfriend. They didn't say as much, but I knew they began investigating him. There was no evidence of anything, and they didn't have enough to arrest him. And, since they were living together again—a fact my mom hadn't told me, since we were on the out's—as demonstrated by the amount of personal effects he had in her apartment, we could ask him to leave, but we couldn't make him leave. Great.

Her ex-boyfriend insisted on staying present while we packed. It was to make sure we didn't take anything that belonged to him. Given how drunk he was, I don't know how he'd have been able to tell, anyway. The whole time, he was picking fights with people. I have to say, breaking up a fight between my dad and my mom's ex-boyfriend was such a hard thing to do! It was an extremely difficult situation.

We get done packing that first day and go to tell him that we have to come back the next day. He's so drunk, it's amazing he can stand up. My husband and I are trying to make sure he understands and he starts crying again. He's talking about how no one will shake his hand like a man. My husband, bless him, says, "Sure man, I'll shake your hand." As soon as he does, he breaks down further and starts screaming, "I'm sorry" over and over. My husband and I eventually leave. The whole thing was bewildering. Was he sorry because she was gone, or because he did it? 

The next day I go back and let myself into the apartment. I find blood all over the place. Just everywhere. Her ex-boyfriend is face down on her bed. I immediately call 9-1-1. While the emergency services are helping him, I call the detectives on the case. They go and visit him at the hospital (where he is being held on 72-hour suicide watch). Turns out he'd tried to commit suicide. (I still feel so sad about that.)

He confesses.

I won't say that his actions make a lot of sense, but I suppose they never do in these situations. 

Here's what her ex-boyfriend says happened:

They'd had a fight and he left. When he came back, she was sitting on the couch reading a book. He sat down next to her and used the belt from her robe to strangle her. Then, he put her in his car, which was parked next to hers (which was broken down and parked next to the dumpster), and sat with her for awhile. Then he drove around for a bit. Then parked next to her car again. After sitting with her for a little bit, he moved her body into her car, then into the dumpster. He covered her her body with some flattened boxes that had been next to the dumpster.

He said that they'd fought about a kitten and some money and some bread. *shrugs* I guess we had to be there, right?

He accepted a plea bargain for 2nd degree murder and received a sentence of 22 years. He only has a couple years to go.

Originally, in the title, I was going to say that my mother was murdered. But murder implies premeditation, and I don't know that there was any. The most accurate I can say is "killed". 

Maybe it's splitting hairs. But, you know me. I'm trying to be honest, open, and fair. Always.

A few facts about the case

The autopsy sat in an "undetermined" status for a very long time. My mom had Crohn's disease and was on multiple medications. When they first found her, they didn't know if perhaps she was homeless and had climbed into the dumpster for warmth and passed away from natural causes. When they started the autopsy, they found high levels of pain medications, so then they considered that perhaps she overdosed. I had to give them all of her medications and medical records so they could determine what would be considered "normal levels" for her. They never found any fractures in her hyoid bone, which is a typical finding in strangulation. She didn't have any broken finger nails, skin under her nails, or bruises on her body to show that she had "fought back" or struggled.

My understanding of the evidence at the time is that if he hadn't confessed, there would be no physical evidence to show that he committed this crime. It would all be circumstantial. 

My own suspicions

When all of this came to light, it was my own personal suspicion that my mom's death was, in a manner of speaking, a passive suicide. Meaning she didn't do the deed herself, but she didn't do anything to stop it, either. I kept that to myself for a very long time, assuming that it would offend people. Especially my brother, my dad, and step-mom. I'm not sure when, maybe in the last five years or so, I finally brought it up. Only to find that they had all pretty much had the same thoughts themselves at some point.

It feels terrible to think of something like that, but I really think that was what happened with her. 

She was a master at pushing his buttons. I'd seen it firsthand. Her ex-boyfriend was un-diagnosed bipolar back then and would trigger very easily into anger. I've seen him smash a hole in the wall because I asked him to kill a cockroach. 

For an example of how she would intentionally manipulate him I'll tell you about this: 

There was a time where he was just being a jerk. Just being loud and obnoxious and I commented to her about it. Mind you, I'm only 16 at the time. I think. She tells me, "Don't worry, I'll get him to leave soon." And she starts doing these little things to press his buttons. Things that she knows are going to piss him off. Turning his music down over and over. Turning the lights off in the room he is in. She basically just started being a jerk back to him. This wasn't a standing your ground kind of thing. This was poking the bear. And it worked. He lost his fucking mind. They ended up in a physical fight and *I* had to call the police and he got taken to jail for the night. After the cops left, she looked at me and said, "Told you he was leaving."

I mean. sigh

Added to that the fact that she told me on multiple occasions that she would have committed suicide already and the only thing stopping her was the fact that if she did, my brother and I wouldn't get her life insurance money. My parents divorced when I was 12, and I lived with her full time. We would have late-late night conversations and she would tell me these things. You don't want to believe your parents when they say things like this, right?

Add those two things to the lack of evidence of her fighting back—it's easy to see where I would draw that conclusion about passive suicide, right?

A message 

In 2016 (I think), I received a message—and validation—for my suspicions.

I was having some "me" time, and doing some artsy stuff. I wanted to paint, but was having trouble landing on WHAT to paint. The only thing that kept coming to me was that song, "You Are My Sunshine". It was running in my head, over and over and over. I never did land on what to paint - it was going to be some variation of that, with a sun or maybe a sunflower but I was so distracted by the constant song in my head that I never got anywhere. I finally gave up, frustrated. 

Later that day, my friend Jade called me. She said, "You're mom is here and she won't leave me alone." She asked if she could give me a message and when I said yes, she described my mom physically - which was a perfect match: her yellow blonde hair, her thin petite build. Then she said, "She wants to tell you she is so, so sorry, and that she never should have let him do it." She said she (meaning Jade) didn't know what that was in reference to, but she was just passing it along. 

Immediately, I knew in my gut that my mom was meaning that she let him kill her....she didn't fight back. I also knew that she regretted doing so.

Then, Jade said, "She keeps telling me that you are her sunshine and I hear that song, you know, that old one? You Are My Sunshine?"

OMG, I laughed and cried. 

That was my closure. I always knew in my heart how things went down, but getting that validation was amazing. It certainly made it so much easier to let go of the anger I felt towards her ex-boyfriend, that's for sure.

The point I'm trying to make is:

Sometimes, having a Medium or Spirit Sensitive doesn't provide physical, tangible evidence. But, it does provide emotional, spiritual validation and closure. Not just to the living, but to the spirit that has passed on, too. 

I hope you find this helpful.

As always, Namaste

💖

Alain Davis

@HopelessOptimst 

P.S. - As always, I welcome your comments and questions - please feel free to comment on the post, or come find me on Instagram or Twitter. Look forward to hearing from you! 

Fear and Sage

Hello, friend!

I don't know about you, but I love these weekly chats! Thank you for coming back each week with an open heart and an open mind. As always, if you have any questions or comments, let me know! I'd love to chat about it. We can do that here, in the comments section, or you can come find me on Twitter or Instagram. Whichever way, I'd love to be helpful if I can.

So, today's topic is Fear and Sage. When my guides told me "fear" I was like, "Didn't we talk about that last week?" I guess we're not done. *shrugs* I'm just going with the flow here, so let's see what we see. 

It doesn't matter whether you're like me and you're Spirit Sensitive, or you're an Empath, or you think you're neither of these. But maybe you're surrounded by...well, weird feelings. Or maybe it's even worse than weird feelings and you've got the creepy crawlies, the heebie-jeebies, the hell-no-I-ain't-going-in-the-basement NOPES. No worries, I don't judge. 

I think I might be able to help with that. 

But, this is two-fold. It's important to pay attention to whether this is an overall feeling or a feeling that only happens when you are in a particular room or around a certain person or object. 

Let me give you two examples.

Example One - Overall Feeling

When I first began my development journey, truly accepted this path and began doing exercises to open and explore my abilities, almost immediately I was overcome with a sense of ... foreboding. There's not really any other way of saying it. All day long I felt on edge. Like shit was about to go down. It could be the most relaxing type of atmosphere and I was ON. GUARD. Nighttime was even worse. I could barely sleep. Every noise in the house sounded like a gunshot. I could hear my kids grumble and toss in their beds. I slept on the couch a lot to try to keep from waking up my husband. It was all very unsettling. It was almost enough to make me say, "Fuck this," and give up.

Some people have asked me whether I feel like this sort of thing is because of an attachment. The short answer is, "No". 

Essentially what was happening was ... me. It was all me. My senses were opening. I was able to hear, see, smell, feel, and know things with a new sense that I didn't yet totally understand. 

No wonder it was overwhelming. Now, that's not to say that's how it will feel for you, should you decide to develop. But, for me, I think it was more of a situation where those things were already developed and at some point I just turned the master volume WAY DOWN. So, when I was like, yes, okay, let's do this—It was like, BAM! 

Basically, my feeling was all about LACK OF CONTROL. I no longer felt in control. Of my self. Of my surroundings. Of my abilities. And with lack of control comes FEAR. I didn't know how to turn this damn thing back off. Or down, at the very least. I was afraid that I would never be able to, that I'd never be in control, that I'd attract all kinds of spirits that would "attack" my family, especially my kids (who were much younger at the time). I was just afraid. 

Now, in situations where you are NOT developing and you are still dealing with an overall feeling, there is a possibility that you've absorbed energy from others. We've talked about that before. Generally speaking a really good Grounding & Cleansing should help you feel better.

So, the thing I've learned since that really rough time (for me) is that there is nothing to be afraid of. Spirit only wants good things for us. Spirit only has our best and highest good in mind. Spirit also cannot affect free will, so while they can open doors and send signs through multiple channels, they can't make us do anything. But they really do only want whats best for us. 

Good Vibes

The trick is keeping ourselves grounded and our vibrations high. When I first started this path I would see that written in lots of different places: "Keep your vibe high." I'm like, "How the hell do I do that?" Ugh. I was so frustrated. 

So, here, let me explain.

I'm going to use the Heaven and Hell imagery to paint this picture, because it's the most widely understood.

Picture Heaven above. Then, picture Hell below. You're right in the middle. Well, your Earthly body is, anyway. So, Spirit Guides and Angels vibrate at the level of Heaven. If you keep your vibe or vibration higher, it's working to meet them in the middle, now sitting somewhere above your Earthly body. The higher you go, the easier it is to connect with your Spirit Guides. Plus, it's that much harder for anything icky (read: anything from below) to reach you. Makes sense? 

So, how do you raise your vibration? It's easier than you think. It is legit anything that makes you happy or content while you are doing it. For me, it's anything creative: writing, writing in and decorating my journal, painting with my daughter, drawing, coloring, crafting. Recently, I have discovered a love of playing World of Warcraft with my husband and sons. It makes me so happy. Pretty sure that is what raises my husband's vibe. For Jade, it's being on the treadmill. For another friend I have, it's anything to do with nature. Which, I gotta say, being in nature makes me pretty happy, too. I just don't do it as often as I should. See what I'm saying? What do you love to do? 

Also, I need to mention here that journaling is a great way to figure stuff out. You can get closer to what you love to do, discover your strongest Clair, decide how you really feel about that new promotion, talk with your Spirit Guides. There are tons of prompts you can try. If you haven't journaled since grade school, I highly recommend it. 

Example One - Specific Feeling

Let's talk about this example for a few minutes. This is a great example of how tricky it can be to get to the bottom of what is causing the feeling.

When my third kid was born, back before I officially "opened", we were given some furniture from a friend: a beautiful five-piece bedroom set. It had belonged to her father and he had recently passed away. We were so happy to receive it, having never owned something so beautiful. We split the set: the nightstands went in our room, the tall dresser went in our oldest son's room, and the short dresser with the mirror when in our daughter's room. 

Let me just say that, to the very least, all three of our kids are strong Empaths. If they choose to develop from there, that is up to them. Just saying. Okay.

So, at the time we received the furniture, our youngest was only a couple months old, still sleeping in the bassinet in our room. Our daughter had just turned three. Our oldest was six. Almost right away, our daughter started refusing to sleep in her room. We'd find her on the couch most days. It was super frustrating. Mostly, we just chalked it up to the things you go through when you add another kid to the mix. 

Well, the baby got a bit older so we moved him to his own room. Then, eventually, to his own bed. Our daughter was still having trouble sleeping in her own room regularly, except, instead of finding her on the couch, we'd find her in her little brother's room, sleeping on the floor next to his crib and then a little later, snuggled next to him on his toddler bed. I mean, honestly, it was really cute. So, eventually, we got them bunk beds, moved the dresser and mirror into his room, and turned her old room into a playroom. That worked, for a while. We'd still find her on the bottom bunk with him. Figured it was because she was afraid to sleep in the top bunk, that maybe it was too high. 

We let it go, figuring it was just kids being quirky. They were little, so what was the big deal, really. Except, eventually, she did get to an age where she really did need to be in her own bed. So, we separated the bunk beds and put her back in her old room with a new dresser, and left the other dresser in his room. 

After that, on most nights found him in her room. UGH! I tell ya, as parents, we were so fucking frustrated at this point.

They got a little better as time went on, but a lot of times, we'd either find him in his sister's room, or out on the couch. His sister seemed better, though. She'd sleep through the night and stay in her room. We figured it was an age thing and she just grew out of it and that he'd do the same, but we kept after him and tried everything we could think of to get him to stay in his bed.

Fast forward to us moving to our new house here in Iowa. We got here a couple of days before the moving truck did, and the first night we all slept in the living room on blow up mattresses. Everyone was fine. After that, the kids slept in the living room on their blow up mattresses, while my husband and I slept on ours upstairs. Again, everyone was fine.

Our furniture gets here, and all of a sudden the youngest is freaking out. He's coming into our room every night, talking about how he can't sleep, he's afraid, there's something in his room. WTH!

Mind you, one of the first things I did when we got here was sage the house. So, I sage his room again, but make him help me this time. It helped. For a few nights. Then I started finding him on the couch again. I finally sat him down and asked him to just tell me what was going on, to be honest. He said that he thought he saw "eyes" from underneath his dresser. His sister happened to be walking by at the same time he said that. She stopped in her tracks and said, "I've seen that, too!" She explained that she used to get the creeps from the dresser and see "eyes" underneath it when she was really little. 

We immediately moved the dresser into the garage and saged his room. He's been sleeping in there—with no problems at all—ever since.

But then, this funny thing happened. After that, everyone was afraid to go in the garage. So, I saged and bubbled the dresser and made my husband take it to the dump. Then, I saged my garage. THEN, I remembered that we still had the mirror wrapped up inside the house! FFS! So, I saged that, too. After all that, I asked everyone to tell me how they felt in the garage and near the mirror. Everything was clear!

Whew! Thank GOD! I mean, for the love of humanity, right? Looking back, I wish I'd made the connection sooner. I feel terrible for all the nights of broken sleep my kids had to endure. I'm glad they were able to rely on each other and that they were able to form a bond. I'm also happy that I was (finally) able to learn the lesson here. Which was that sometimes energy attaches itself to objects. As I was cleansing it, I was sure to open myself and ask if there were any active Spirits. While there were not, I was guided by my own Guides as to how to complete the cleansing process. Which was basically just a sage like you'd do in a home, but focused on a particular object. 

Sage

To sage a home, it's really simple, actually. Get yourself a white sage bundle. You can find these in any crystal shop or even on Amazon. They are not very expensive. It's recommended to have a feather in order to direct the smoke, but your hand will work, too. Also, from experience, keep the matches or lighter you used to light the sage on you as you walk around. Sometimes the bundle will go out and you'll need to relight it. 

You'll always start by setting your intentions: 

Out loud or in hour head, ask your Spirit Guides to come to you and help you - State that you intend to cleanse your self and your home of all stagnant and negative energy, for the best and highest good of all.

To sage yourself:

Light your sage bundle and, starting at the top of your head, allow the smoke to cover your body, down to your feet then back up. Then you can move on to your home.

To sage a home:

Before you start on the house, open a window in each room. This allows an exit point for the energy. Start at the Northern point of your home. You'll move in clockwise pattern. When you get to a doorway, move your sage bundle in an "x" pattern through the doorway. When you are in a room, make sure to also move in a clockwise motion, and use the feather or your hand to "blow" the smoke up into the corners of the room, since that is where energy tends to gather and grow stagnant. 

Make sure to repeat a mantra while you sage. Different people use different mantras, so there's not really a right or wrong way to do it. Whatever resonates with you is what you should use. The only thing I say is, make sure that your intention is set with love and that you are always respectful. Here is what I say: "I clear this space of all stagnant or negative energy. Only that which comes from light and love is permitted here."

When you get back to your starting point, make sure to snuff out your bundle and give thanks to Spirit for this cleansing.

To sage an object:

It works nearly the same as when you sage a home. You'll want to set your intentions and sage yourself.

Then, allow the smoke from the sage bundle to cover the item as you repeat your mantra. When you are done, be sure to snuff out the bundle and give thanks. 

When I sage objects, I like to do so before I bring them into my home for the first time. This is applicable to things that have been handed down to our family. If I need to sage an object that is already in my home, I sage it where it stands, then I sage the room.

Kids and sage:

If our three kids have taught us anything, it's that kids are naturally open. If your little one is having a hard time at night, having nightmares, refusing to sleep in their bed...don't be so quick to dismiss their behavior. Listen to them. Let them tell you about their nightmares, about what they are afraid of as they fall asleep. Then help them. There is an AMAZING lavender sage spray on amazon that I fucking love...I have recommended it to several people and they love it now, too. It's safe for kids, smells great and is super helpful. Get it. Give it to your kids. Teach them to set their intentions. Let them spray it in their room. Teach them to bubble themselves before they go to bed. That's all I ask. From experience, it's not going to "cure" the problem...but it WILL help. If nothing else, I promise it won't hurt anything.

All right. I think I've talked your ear off enough for today.

The moral of the story here is to pay attention to when you are feeling this FEAR and try to drill down to what might be causing this. Take part in things that bring you joy and happiness which will keep your vibe high. Ground, cleanse, and sage. And rest assured that you are safe and loved. 

I hope that you will give these things a try, that it helps you and your family, and that you'll let me know how it goes! More so, I hope you find this helpful.

As always, Namaste

💖

Alain Davis

@HopelessOptimst