Pages

Saturday, September 12, 2020

A Story: My mother was killed

Hello, friend! 

This week, my Spirit Guide told me my post was going to be "a story". I figured, "Cool. It's getting to be fall, and Spooky Season is approaching, lemme find a good memory that's Spirit related." But, as I pulled out my journal, I heard very clearly, that I was supposed to tell the story I told last night. 

Oh, boy. 

Here's the thing. Last night, I was on the phone with a friend until after midnight and I was telling her the story of how my mom died and how that tied in to and inspired the short story I wrote (which, ahem, won a spot in an anthology that will be published later this year). This friend and I are new friends, but we just CLICKED, right away. You know? Does that happen to you, too? It doesn't happen with everyone I talk to, despite what my husband says. 

Anyway, when I got this direction, I sort of balked because, well...it's not a story necessarily fit for mass consumption. It's not as straightforward as saying my mother passed away from a heart attack. Does that make sense? 

But, Spirit is adamant. I'm sure there's a bottom line in here somewhere, so I guess we better get started.

My mother was killed

I say that not to over-dramatize the fact or to try to shock you. I'm simply trying to be up front. If reading about these sorts of things is not something you're comfortable with, you can bow out now. I won't be offended. If you have anxiety around domestic violence - consider yourself warned, and take whatever measures you need to for yourself. That's what's most important. 

Here's the story:

It was November of 2000, just after Thanksgiving. 

I talked to my mom on Saturday night. He car had been broken down for a long time and we made plans for me to pick her up on Sunday morning to go grocery shopping and run errands. Just do some hanging out in general. Something we hadn't done in awhile. Our relationship had become rather strained. Getting into the many reasons why would require a whole new blog post, but one of the biggest reasons was because she had begun seeing her ex-boyfriend again. This ex was her on-again/off-again, occasionally abusive boyfriend. She knew that I couldn't stand him and couldn't understand why she would choose to be with him after all the abuse she'd taken from him.

When we talked on Saturday night, I could tell that she and him had been arguing. I could hear him grumbling in the background, as per his usual behavior, and her answers to me were short. It was obvious she was trying to ignore him and give him the cold shoulder. I offered to come get her and let her sleep over at our place (my husband and I had just gotten married 6 months previous) but she declined. I tried to insist, but she was adamant. She said that he was just going to leave and go get drunk soon, anyway (also, per his normal behavior). So, we firmed up the time for Sunday and hung up.

Sunday morning arrived and I got ready. I called her first to make sure she was ready before heading over. There was no answer. I called again. Still no answer. I kept calling until finally, around noon, her ex-boyfriend answered. I asked to talk to my mom and he said she wasn't there. Which was odd because she had no working vehicle. He said her stuff was there, like her purse, but she wasn't. And he didn't know where she was. Umm.

I was already worried. Now, I was freaked. I started calling her friends. I thought that maybe she'd fought with him late the night before and she had someone come get her. I mean, it didn't make sense—why wouldn't she just call me? I closer than anyone else. And why wouldn't she let me know? But, whatever. No one had seen her or heard from her. Now, I was starting to panic. 

But, what else was I supposed to do? It hadn't yet been 24 hours, so filing a report was out of the question. Monday came and I...went to work. I didn't know what else to do. I certainly didn't accomplish anything that day, that's for sure! 

Monday afternoon my brother called me hysterical. I had to calm him down just so I could understand him. He said that mom's best friend had called him. She'd seen a news report on T.V. about an unidentified female body found near our mom's apartment. I called the police department. I told them that I thought they found our mom—we hadn't been able to find her and they found a body near her apartment. The officer asked what she looked like and if she had any identifying marks. Then I was placed on hold. Which lasted. freaking. forever. Finally, the officer came back on the line and said they were sending a detective out to talk to me and the family. Shit.

When the detectives arrived, they said that a retired veteran had been going through a dumpster looking for broken toys or electronics (he fixed them up to donate to the Salvation Army) when he found her. Of course, he called the police. The difficult part was that there were no signs of violence on her body. There were no signs that she'd been stabbed, shot, strangled. Nothing. Until the autopsy was complete, they wouldn't know how she died.

We told them about her rocky relationship with her ex-boyfriend. They didn't say as much, but I knew they began investigating him. There was no evidence of anything, and they didn't have enough to arrest him. And, since they were living together again—a fact my mom hadn't told me, since we were on the out's—as demonstrated by the amount of personal effects he had in her apartment, we could ask him to leave, but we couldn't make him leave. Great.

Her ex-boyfriend insisted on staying present while we packed. It was to make sure we didn't take anything that belonged to him. Given how drunk he was, I don't know how he'd have been able to tell, anyway. The whole time, he was picking fights with people. I have to say, breaking up a fight between my dad and my mom's ex-boyfriend was such a hard thing to do! It was an extremely difficult situation.

We get done packing that first day and go to tell him that we have to come back the next day. He's so drunk, it's amazing he can stand up. My husband and I are trying to make sure he understands and he starts crying again. He's talking about how no one will shake his hand like a man. My husband, bless him, says, "Sure man, I'll shake your hand." As soon as he does, he breaks down further and starts screaming, "I'm sorry" over and over. My husband and I eventually leave. The whole thing was bewildering. Was he sorry because she was gone, or because he did it? 

The next day I go back and let myself into the apartment. I find blood all over the place. Just everywhere. Her ex-boyfriend is face down on her bed. I immediately call 9-1-1. While the emergency services are helping him, I call the detectives on the case. They go and visit him at the hospital (where he is being held on 72-hour suicide watch). Turns out he'd tried to commit suicide. (I still feel so sad about that.)

He confesses.

I won't say that his actions make a lot of sense, but I suppose they never do in these situations. 

Here's what her ex-boyfriend says happened:

They'd had a fight and he left. When he came back, she was sitting on the couch reading a book. He sat down next to her and used the belt from her robe to strangle her. Then, he put her in his car, which was parked next to hers (which was broken down and parked next to the dumpster), and sat with her for awhile. Then he drove around for a bit. Then parked next to her car again. After sitting with her for a little bit, he moved her body into her car, then into the dumpster. He covered her her body with some flattened boxes that had been next to the dumpster.

He said that they'd fought about a kitten and some money and some bread. *shrugs* I guess we had to be there, right?

He accepted a plea bargain for 2nd degree murder and received a sentence of 22 years. He only has a couple years to go.

Originally, in the title, I was going to say that my mother was murdered. But murder implies premeditation, and I don't know that there was any. The most accurate I can say is "killed". 

Maybe it's splitting hairs. But, you know me. I'm trying to be honest, open, and fair. Always.

A few facts about the case

The autopsy sat in an "undetermined" status for a very long time. My mom had Crohn's disease and was on multiple medications. When they first found her, they didn't know if perhaps she was homeless and had climbed into the dumpster for warmth and passed away from natural causes. When they started the autopsy, they found high levels of pain medications, so then they considered that perhaps she overdosed. I had to give them all of her medications and medical records so they could determine what would be considered "normal levels" for her. They never found any fractures in her hyoid bone, which is a typical finding in strangulation. She didn't have any broken finger nails, skin under her nails, or bruises on her body to show that she had "fought back" or struggled.

My understanding of the evidence at the time is that if he hadn't confessed, there would be no physical evidence to show that he committed this crime. It would all be circumstantial. 

My own suspicions

When all of this came to light, it was my own personal suspicion that my mom's death was, in a manner of speaking, a passive suicide. Meaning she didn't do the deed herself, but she didn't do anything to stop it, either. I kept that to myself for a very long time, assuming that it would offend people. Especially my brother, my dad, and step-mom. I'm not sure when, maybe in the last five years or so, I finally brought it up. Only to find that they had all pretty much had the same thoughts themselves at some point.

It feels terrible to think of something like that, but I really think that was what happened with her. 

She was a master at pushing his buttons. I'd seen it firsthand. Her ex-boyfriend was un-diagnosed bipolar back then and would trigger very easily into anger. I've seen him smash a hole in the wall because I asked him to kill a cockroach. 

For an example of how she would intentionally manipulate him I'll tell you about this: 

There was a time where he was just being a jerk. Just being loud and obnoxious and I commented to her about it. Mind you, I'm only 16 at the time. I think. She tells me, "Don't worry, I'll get him to leave soon." And she starts doing these little things to press his buttons. Things that she knows are going to piss him off. Turning his music down over and over. Turning the lights off in the room he is in. She basically just started being a jerk back to him. This wasn't a standing your ground kind of thing. This was poking the bear. And it worked. He lost his fucking mind. They ended up in a physical fight and *I* had to call the police and he got taken to jail for the night. After the cops left, she looked at me and said, "Told you he was leaving."

I mean. sigh

Added to that the fact that she told me on multiple occasions that she would have committed suicide already and the only thing stopping her was the fact that if she did, my brother and I wouldn't get her life insurance money. My parents divorced when I was 12, and I lived with her full time. We would have late-late night conversations and she would tell me these things. You don't want to believe your parents when they say things like this, right?

Add those two things to the lack of evidence of her fighting back—it's easy to see where I would draw that conclusion about passive suicide, right?

A message 

In 2016 (I think), I received a message—and validation—for my suspicions.

I was having some "me" time, and doing some artsy stuff. I wanted to paint, but was having trouble landing on WHAT to paint. The only thing that kept coming to me was that song, "You Are My Sunshine". It was running in my head, over and over and over. I never did land on what to paint - it was going to be some variation of that, with a sun or maybe a sunflower but I was so distracted by the constant song in my head that I never got anywhere. I finally gave up, frustrated. 

Later that day, my friend Jade called me. She said, "You're mom is here and she won't leave me alone." She asked if she could give me a message and when I said yes, she described my mom physically - which was a perfect match: her yellow blonde hair, her thin petite build. Then she said, "She wants to tell you she is so, so sorry, and that she never should have let him do it." She said she (meaning Jade) didn't know what that was in reference to, but she was just passing it along. 

Immediately, I knew in my gut that my mom was meaning that she let him kill her....she didn't fight back. I also knew that she regretted doing so.

Then, Jade said, "She keeps telling me that you are her sunshine and I hear that song, you know, that old one? You Are My Sunshine?"

OMG, I laughed and cried. 

That was my closure. I always knew in my heart how things went down, but getting that validation was amazing. It certainly made it so much easier to let go of the anger I felt towards her ex-boyfriend, that's for sure.

The point I'm trying to make is:

Sometimes, having a Medium or Spirit Sensitive doesn't provide physical, tangible evidence. But, it does provide emotional, spiritual validation and closure. Not just to the living, but to the spirit that has passed on, too. 

I hope you find this helpful.

As always, Namaste
💖

Alain Davis
@HopelessOptimst 

P.S. - As always, I welcome your comments and questions - please feel free to comment on the post, or come find me on Instagram or Twitter. Look forward to hearing from you! 

4 comments:

  1. Wow, Alain. I knew about your mom but not the details. I can't even imagine what that was like for you my friend. I'm thankful that you've gotten closure. Thank you for sharing this. Love you my friend!💜

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are such a precious soul Alain! I love your willingness to Share so openly. You inspire me to be me! Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm happy that you've found inspiration from this story! Thank you for reading. 💖

      Delete

Thank you for your comment! I love hearing your thoughts on these topics.