Well, hellllloooo! How the hell
ya been? Hanging in there, I bet. Same, same.
So, listen...thank you for
being patient with me being absent for so long. I've mentioned before, but it's
worth repeating that this blog is led by Spirit. And I write posts based on
whatever lesson Spirit wants me to discuss. There are times when Spirit is has
LOTS to say and there is no trouble writing the posts. Then there are times
when Spirit is eerily quiet.
We'll have a quick catch up and
then we'll get back on schedule with a short post.
From January of 2021 (the date
of my last post) until January of 2020, there were a few reasons I wasn't
posting. The biggest of those reasons was the fact that my editing business was
extremely busy! During that time frame, Spirit assured me that it was more
important for me to manage my workflow. We still talked, and I still developed:
I opened every day and asked for messages that I needed to deliver to others,
as well as for messages for myself. There were some really cool moments as a
result of those messages. Looking back, I'd say the biggest lesson I learned is
that Spirit is on a plane where time has no meaning. So, they could say this
and that is going to happen. But who the hell knew when that would be! Might be
today, next week, a month from now, even a YEAR from now! Naturally, that makes
being the bearer of messages rather stressful. But more than stressful, it was
absolutely rewarding and worth it when the message resonated with the person it
was meant for.
From January 2022 until
current, EVERYTHING was on hold. Unfortunately, I can't get into too much detail
because the story is not mine to tell, but we received devastating news at the
beginning of January. News that completely changed our family forever. We now
have estranged family members which is painful in ways that are different than
losing a family member to death. Upon receiving the news, we folded in on
ourselves: my husband, me, our three kids. Everyone and everything else - none
of it mattered. We had to circle the wagons and focus on our own family. A
couple of us are in therapy and have made great progress. This will not be the
end of us; rather, it set us on a new path. Once where the only thing that
matters is our little family.
I share that because it's
important to know that during that time, Spirit was both more present than ever
before, yet also at arm's length. I'll try to explain...
Spirit knows when you need
space. Knows when there are earthly matters that require your full, undivided
attention. Remember, Spirit only wants the best for you. They are here to help
you on your journey, to complete the tasks you set for yourself when you
decided to come to this plane. Spirit will not put undue pressure on you when
earthly things are going bananas. For example, most people who are Spirit
Sensitive from a young age will look back from adulthood and remember a
time—usually in their teenage years or during a time of tragedy—where their
abilities were...less. Not gone, no. But not in your face, either. That's
because Spirit knows that you need space just then, that there are some big
things to sort through in those years. This was very similar.
But now, I feel more grounded,
and my earthly things are well in hand now. So, let's resume...
Ego. We're gonna talk about Ego
and what it does for us, why it's good and why it can be a pain.
What do you think of when you
hear the word "ego"? I bet "safety" isn't a word that comes
to mind. Ego is that part of ourselves that keeps us safe. This is sort of
complicated to break down, but it's part of our higher self that is in place to
protect us. Sounds good, right? Sure. But it's also what can hinder us, stunt
our growth, spiritual and otherwise.
Protection, keeping us safe
also means that it keeps us from trying things because we might get hurt,
physically, emotionally, spiritually. But what happens if you never take a
chance? You don't grow. Sure, something might go wrong, and you might get your
feelings hurt. But you learn from that experience, right? Or, who knows? Maybe
it will actually work out and you get to expand your horizons by trying
something new.
For example, I've been holding
myself back when it comes to writing. While I love editing (truly!) and having
a small part in a book's journey, I have stories of my own to tell. But, when I
was in grade school, I had a teacher tear apart a short story I wrote, in front
of the whole class. Kids laughed. No, I'm not joking. I was crushed. That one
event gave me a HUGE case of imposter syndrome. My internal thoughts ran from
one self-limiting thought to another: I don't have anything original to write
about; Anything I write is going to be too similar to someone else's story; I'm
a terrible writer; I don't know how to write... on and on and on.
This resulted in me just not
writing anymore. Sure, I wrote essays as required for school. But nothing
creative or fiction ever again. Did it matter that prior to that I had written
a collection of poems (simply illustrated, too!) that received the highest
grade in the class and hade my teacher raving? Nopity-nope. My Ego did a great
job of making sure that I never tried that again. What if it went badly and I
got hurt again?
It's only been in the last few
years that I've tried my hand at it again. I wrote a short story and submitted
it (twice, two different submission calls) and it got rejected (twice). That
was a bummer. My Ego kicked right in and said, "There, there. It's okay.
You don't have to do that anymore. Here, why don't you just stick to reading
and editing instead? See? Isn't' that better?" Yes, Ego, thank you. I got
wrapped in a warm, snuggly cocoon of safety.
But I also didn't get anywhere
with my writing. I recently came across a submission call for short pieces with
a theme of "yellow." I was immediately inspired to write a piece. I
didn't know if it was going to be a poem or a piece of prose and was utterly
shocked when the result turned out to be an acrostic poem. An acrostic? You
don't see those very often. But I ignored Ego (more on that in a minute) and
submitted it. I also sent it to a few people. Did it get accepted? Nope again.
But did that matter? Not at all.
You see, I was inspired to
write it and when I read it, I think it's damn good. The person rejecting it
loved it, too (and explained that it was being rejected not because it wasn't
good, but because it didn't fit the aesthetic of the other pieces which were
more existential in nature) and the things she said about it made my heart sing and reassured me I had made the right choice to write/submit it.
The people I sent it to also loved it and gave me beautiful feedback. So, I've decided to follow Spirit's urging
and include the poem for you - so you can decide for yourself.
Y.E.L.L.O.W.
By Alain Davis
You left so unexpectedly, with so much unsaid,
unresolved; I looked for you for days - forever grateful to the stranger who found you and did the hard thing.
Everyone shocked, traumatized; gotta filter my
mouth when I tell people what happened - even though it was so
many years ago now.
Left me to handle it all; the arrangements, the
notifications, the forms, the tears, the anger - have to hold it
together to take care of everyone else.
Little yellow shirt, great big smile; that
picture haunts me, makes me smile through the pain - discovered my own artistic talent recreating that photo.
Oh, how the Coldplay song gives me the feels -
was he writing about you?
Will I ever be able to hear it and not think of
you? No. But maybe someday it won't make me cry.
Yes, this is about the loss of
my mom. If you haven't read about it, you can catch up here.
The thing is, when it's a fight
between Spirit and Ego, always go with Spirit; they want you to be happy,
successful, walking the path you were meant to walk.
Oh, before I forget, you can
ignore Ego pretty simply. Well, maybe not *ignore*. But you can certainly make
Ego's voice/presence smaller. This will be a visualization exercise. The more
you do it, the easier and more effective it is: In your mind's eye, picture a
dial. A big one, you have to use your whole hand to turn it. Above the dial is
a label reading "EGO." All around the dial are numbers; starting with
0 on the left and going on until you see 10 on the right. When you first
picture it, you may be surprised to see which number the dial is pointing to.
Is it 6 or 7? Or even 10? Grasp the dial and turn it to the left until you get
to zero. Go slowly, hearing the clicks as it reaches each number. That's it!
You've turned your Ego setting down. Now, don't be surprised if you check in on
it later and it's back up. Just keep turning it down. Check on it daily,
weekly, multiple times per day. Whatever feels comfortable to you. Notice how
it makes you feel when it's set at 0. I highly recommend doing this before
making big decisions. It's easier to hear/feel Spirit when our Ego is a little
quieter.
I would love to hear how this
worked for you! Also, if you have thoughts/comments about my poem, I'd love to
hear that too.
Again, thank you for being
patient with me.
As always, light and love to you
and yours! π
Until next time... Alain