Hello, my friend!
I'm so happy to see you. Thanks for coming back. I hope you've enjoyed the content I've put up so far. Have you checked out the resources from my last post? Remember, if you have any questions or comments, you can post them on the posts here, or come find me on Twitter or Instagram. I'd love to hear from you.
So, today, we're going to talk about DOUBT.
I'm just gonna say it: Doubt is a bitch.
Even though I have been Spirit Sensitive for as long as I can remember, I still struggle with doubt. It has taken me a long time to get to a place where my TRUST in Spirit is greater than my doubt, but that doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I think I must be imagining things.
It was bad enough to doubt myself. We all do it. Even people who aren't Spirit Sensitive or Empaths doubt themselves. But those of us who are FEEL everyone else's feelings, in addition to our own. So, not only was I dealing with my own doubt, but I was dealing with other people's doubt, too. And in hindsight, it was everyone else's doubt that I struggled with the most. Because, while what I was experiencing, seeing, hearing, and feeling, felt so real to me...I knew that I could offer them little to no PROOF. Which I also knew meant there would be little chance of them believing me. And around and around we go. Right?
I told you. Doubt is a bitch.
Questioning the validity of what was happening is what held me back. For a really long time.
The antidote to doubt is validation. After I met Hank and began to work through the other exercises in Kim Russo's book, then through some of the exercises on Jessica Lee's website, I was still dealing with a large amount of doubt. Even when I'd see things in my mind's eye, or hear things in my mind's ear—I'd still doubt if it was really happening. So, finally, what I did was ask that Spirit help me to recognize validation when it appeared. I have some examples of what validation might look like, a little later on in this post.
I don't remember exactly what the turning point was, where my trust in Spirit outweighed my overall doubt. Maybe it was meeting Hank and feeling the comfort and reassurance every time I saw something heart-shaped—it was like the feeling of a hand on my shoulder and someone saying, "It's all going to work out, you'll see." Maybe it was after that? I don't know for sure.
That, and the support of my husband. He gave me the space I needed to explore these topics, without being afraid that he was going to judge me too harshly. He knew that I wasn't always going to have proof. He allowed me to speak freely about everything; to be excited when things worked, frustrated when results were halting, and sad when things stalled. He was the one that suggested that the increase in my migraines appeared to be linked to my lack of working with Spirit. (I had "closed" and was actively blocking Spirit at the time. We'll get into that another time, I promise.) He made sure that I knew he loved me regardless of what I could or couldn't do, or what I could or couldn't prove. He is my rock and my protector. I don't know where I'd be without that man.
In addition to my husband, I have a very dear friend who is also Spirit Sensitive. I won't use her real name, but you can know her as "Jade". We met almost five years ago, online, and have only met in person once. When we first met, I was not yet in command of my abilities, but was just learning to bubble. Mostly as a means of protecting myself because I was working in a toxic environment. I hadn't even started grounding! She gave me several prophetic messages, which of course I blew off then. One of which was that I would be writing a book (I am!), writing a blog (I mean, obvs, right?)...there were others, but we'll keep those in our pocket. I credit Jade with being my learning partner. Our relationship is beautiful, fraught with challenges, growth, validation, support, and love. We're like sisters in Spirit. I'm so grateful for her.
So, what does validation look like in my world? Here are a couple of examples:
When we first moved to our house here in Iowa, I began daily sessions working with Spirit. I'd sit during my lunch break and work with whatever Spirit came through. I'd take notes throughout the session and then after work, I'd try to research and see if I could find proof that the person I was speaking with was actually deceased. And, if the Spirit had a message for a living person, try to find that person so that I could deliver the message.
The first person I ever got was an older gentle man. He showed himself to me as having all white hair, wearing a blue top. He was friendly, but in dealing with him I felt terrible chest pain. Like the most horrible case of acid reflux ever. He didn't have any messages for me to deliver, but after work, I was able to find an obituary in our local newspaper from several months previous. The picture in the obit matched! Got my validation.
The next day and evening, the house was just...hectic. Everyone could feel it. There was just an energy about the place and everyone was acting a little strange. Just fucking bananas, you know? I was especially scattered and felt pulled in a million directions. My husband kept giving me strange looks. Just before we went upstairs for the evening, he jumped—like he got zapped, or stung in the back of the neck. But, since I was standing just behind him at the time, I can attest that there was nothing on him. I thought it was strange, but blew it off and we went to bed.
The next day, I held another session. I got a young man in his late 20's, tall and lanky with a crew cut. He held a worn ball cap against his chest and said "ma'am" while speaking with me. He'd been in a car accident and wanted me to tell "his girl" that it wasn't his fault. He showed me several times the moment of impact, like a bird's eye view, of the accident—another car T-boned the driver's side of his. I tried to ask him for enough details so that I might be able to find him, and his living person, so that I could deliver this message (even though the idea of making contact with a stranger made me so nervous!).
Towards the end of the session, my husband came into the room to let me know that my break was almost over. The young man looked back over his shoulder to see who had come into the room, did a double-take, and immediately became sheepish. After my husband left the room, the young man said, "Tell him I'm sorry." When I asked him what for he said that he had "poked" him, trying to get his attention. He explained that he had been trying to get mine, originally, but since I wasn't responding, he assumed that maybe I didn't work with men, so then he started trying to get his attention instead. He said he felt terrible about it because he knew my husband was really upset about the encounter.
Turns out, I never found record of him, or "his girl". But I think we got validation for the encounter in other ways.
Both of these events took place just over two years ago.
And, yes, I still have moments of doubt.
For those who do not know, my dad is currently in the ICU for congestive heart failure. He is doing well, but when he first arrived, it was touch and go and he was on a ventilator. Just before he landed in the hospital, I'd had a dream where my dad was there. He wasn't doing anything, just kind of standing around, doing nothing, hanging out...waiting. Fast forward to him being in the ICU. My friend Jade had told me that I should try to speak with his Spirit. Which was odd, because Hank had told me to do the same thing. You can understand my hesitation.
I wasn't even sure if this was something I could do. I never had before.
I gathered my will and finally did, with Hank present. I thought it would be weird, but it was a lovely meeting and went very similar to sessions I've had with other Spirits, except my dad wasn't yet dead (talk about strange!) I explained what was happening with his body and that he needed to decide whether he wanted to stay and fight, or go into the light and move on. He said he was going to stay.
Afterward, I told my husband about it. I also expressed that I wished there was some way I could get validation for the session. Because these were the kinds of things that make me think, "Well, that was a very elaborate figment of my imagination!" Right? I mean, who wouldn't want to hope and imagine that their dad, who's in ICU, would choose to stay and fight, right? I'm logical, I get it. But, see? Doubt. Even now, love.
Later that day, I got to speak with him, via FaceTime. Granted, he didn't speak with me, because he was on the ventilator, but also because he was still a little out of it. I told him to fight hard and that we were here waiting for him. All the while, he would try to look at me, but he wouldn't nod or shake his head or anything. At the end of the call, I told him, "Come see me in your dreams, dad, okay?" And he nodded, very emphatically, three times.
Writing about that gives me chills.
I know it may not seem like a big deal, a head nod, but that was the validation I needed. I asked that I be given the discernment to recognize validation when it was happening, and when I saw those nods, I knew it was what I had asked for.
Some might call validation proof. But I guess that depends on your definition of proof.
Lately, what I'm learning—now that I'm working directly with Spirit more—is that sometimes the Spirit I'm working with needs to get their message across. They just need to tell someone. That's what is important.
I used to believe that it was important for the living half of that exchange to receive the message. But sometimes, that's not the case. Sometimes, Spirit just needs to be heard. Sometimes, that's enough.
I work with Spirits, all of them—whether they are living or not. And validation is as unique as people are. That's what I need to remember.
So, while this post didn't necessarily have any exercises for you to try, I hope you found this information helpful.
Always fascinating! Hope your Dad is feeling better.
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